Up in Smoke

Hello. My name is Kristin. I am a mom, a wife, a warm weather enthusiast, and a lover of Christmas lights. I drink too much diet Mountain Dew, consider chasing after my 1 year old exercise, and never get enough sleep. I like a bottle of wine now and then, love the company of great friends, and I am a smoker. I try to help people make choices everyday to make their lives better. I am trying to make more of those choices myself. This is the year, the year that I will do better at taking care of myself, drink more water, exercise, and.....drum roll please....quit smoking. There, I said it. I am hoping that makes it more real - that I am now accountable to all of you, you who actually take time to read the words I put on this page. (Thank you for that by the way:)
So now.....to share the cold hard truth. My quit date was going to be set by when I ran out of cigarettes. I didn't want it to be a new years resolution, because I can't remember one that I have ever successfully kept. Not only that, but I have others on my resolution agenda...for example, butting into the lives of those that I miss. However, as noble as the effort is, I must admit I make resolutions half accepting I have already failed (except for this year of course). How positive of me, I know. So for that, and many other reasons, I had no intention of quitting on 1/1/13. If only life actually cared about my plans right?
As life plays out, I smoked my last cigarette on New Years Eve, after enjoying one too many cocktails with my husband. Inevitably that means that my quit date becomes 1/1/13. Day one was super easy. There is truly no better way for me to avoid smoking than to be slightly (that may be an downplay of how I felt that day) hung over, and have smoked to much the night before. Day 2, didn't really phase me either. Yes, it was difficult to be at work and not follow my normal routine - but it was doable. I expected to wake up on day 3 thinking I would die, and that never came. Fast forward to day 4 - on my way home for lunch I was searching for something in the console of my Tahoe....and because life can be cruel, I happen to locate the 6 packs of cigarettes that had been hiding from me on New Years. That was tough. Who would ever know if I had just one? If no one sees you have the cigarette did you actually smoke? But I knew I would be so disappointed in myself and I managed to make it thru day 4. All 6 packs taunting me at every corner.
Day 5, almost day 6, I caved. My already waining discipline was completely dissolved by Bud Light. Not the first time I have made choices that left me disappointed after a few of those. But, it is what it is. I had 3 cigarettes, and they were horrible. But, it felt right - especially with the Bud Light.
I consider it a small victory. I made it 8 days with 3 cigarettes (yes I said 8, I didn't have any for the 3 days after my relapse) before I fired up the chimney again. However, I hear that relapse is a part of recovery.....so, maybe I am on my way to being smoke free sooner than I think.
I plan to try again. On my terms, when I am ready, but sooner rather than later. Like I said - this is the year. Whether I like it or not, I love my son - and I want to do it for us.
So now you know. I am a smoker. For the most part, I like being a smoker. And I am going to try to give that up. So until that happens, please forgive me if I seem a little outta sorts. I am simply trying to remove my addict status, and for those of you who have been there, you know there is nothing simple about that.